Self-Esteem

Sunday 15 September 2013

Self-Esteem

It Will hurt

It Will Take Lot of Time

It Will Require lot of Will Power

It Will Require lot of Dediation

You will needs to Take Tough Decisions

It Will Require lot of Secrifices

You will needs to Push Your Body the Max

There Will be many Temptation

But Its Our Promise

When You Reached the Destination

When You Get Your Goal

Its Worth

Self-Esteem is the set of beliefs that you have about yourself. It is how good (or bad) you feel about yourself.

How to Improve Self-Esteem

How to Build Self-Esteem

Low Self-Esteem

Self-Esteem Questionnaire

Self-Esteem Meaning

Definition of Self Esteem

Example self-beliefs that constitute self-esteem:

■ I’m an Excellent Pilot

■ I’m a Good Human being

■ I’m Great at Explaining Business Ideas to others

■ I feel I’m Smart

■ I’m too Out Spoken

■ I’m not good with People

■ I’m a Bad Person

■ I’m an Excellent Poet

As you see above, self-esteem can be both broad (I’m a good human being) or specific to a certain field (I’m an excellent writer) Also self-esteem is known by many other synonyms such as self-worth, self-respect, self-confidence etc.

Self-Esteem?

Possessing little self-regard can lead people to become depressed, to fall short of their potential, or to tolerate abusive situations and relationships. Too much self-love, on the other hand, results in an off-putting sense of entitlement and an inability to learn from failures. (It can also be a sign of clinical narcissism.) Perhaps no other self-help topic has spawned so much advice and so many (often conflicting) theories. Here are our best insights on how to strike a balance between accurate self-knowledge and respect for who you are.

Self-Esteem is Very Important

Success in anything we take up in our life is directly linked to the amount of

confidence we have in ourselves. Lack of confidence in oneself or low self-esteem

prevents us from achieving our full potential in life. A low self-esteem also

prevents us from enjoying life fully. By law of attraction, what we believe about

ourselves is what the universe shows to us, and thus in order to attract positive

things in our life, it is important that our beliefs about ourselves be positive.

Self-esteem is an important Level 4 need in the Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.

Try asking yourself these questions.

Do I like myself?

Do I think I'm a good human being?

Am I someone deserving of love?

Do I deserve happiness?

Do I feel deep down that I'm an OK person?

People with low self-esteem find it hard to answer yes to all or most of the above. Perhaps you are one of them. If so, what can you do?

Where does self-esteem come from ?

1. Childhood: A large part of self-esteem comes from our childhood. The

quality of relationships we have had with our parents, and the amount of praise you

got from them have an effect on self-esteem. It is thus important that we

positively acknowledge children for their achievements.

2. Our own thoughts: Some people are naturally more positive than others. The

kind of self-talk we do to ourselves is thus a big contributor to our self-esteem.

3. Achievements: Success in anything we take up increases our self-esteem.

Failures tend to decrease it.

4. Peers: What people around us say to us affects our self-esteem. This can be

people from work, family or those we have romantic relationships with.

How can I find out if my self-esteem is high or low?

Here are some general traits of people who have high and low self-esteem. Make a

unbiased judgement and find out for yourself.

People with high self-esteem tend to:

1. Feel confident in their abilities. They do not fear failure and are willing

to ask for help when needed.

2. Consider themselves equal to other, regardless of specific talents or

outward differences they have. They neither have a superiority complex not

inferiority complex.

3. Standup for what they believe, do not feel attacked when they face

opposition, and are open to change their beliefs and grow.

4. Trust their own judgement and do not feel guilty when other people do not

like the choices they make.

5. They learn from the past and plan for the future. They do not worry too

much about the past.

6. Believe that others accept them, love them or at least find them

interesting.

7. Are sensitive to the feelings and needs of others.

8. Enjoy their life.

People with low self-esteem tend to:

1. Be pessimistic about their life, future, and themselves.

2. Feel bad about many things and thus tend to be hostile and ready to

explode.

3. Are very sensitive to criticism. They feel easily attacked and experience

obstinate resentment against critics.

4. Criticize themselves often and are generally dissatisfied with themselves.

5. Be fearful of making mistakes, which leads to a state of chronic

indecision.

6. Are unable to say “no” to others and consequently have an excessive will to

please others.

7. Tend to be perfectionistic thanks to their fear of making mistakes.

8. Condemn the behaviors of others, exaggerates the magnitude of mistakes and

find it difficult to forgive others.

9. Have a general lack of will to enjoy life.

How can I improve my self-esteem?

1. Be positive. Focus on achievements and talents, rather than shortcomings.

2. Stretch yourself beyond what you do now.

3. Do not be hard on yourself. Let go of any mistakes made in the past.

4. Surround yourself with positive people who encourage you in whatever you

take up.

5. Monitor and celebrate your success. Reward yourself when you achieve

milestones.

6. Take good care of yourself - body, mind, heart and spirit.

7. Regularly practice self-love. Look into the mirror each day and say " Wow -

How wonderful you are - I Love you !"

Remember – you're uniquely special!

A good way to start improving your self-esteem is to acknowledge that you are special – because there's no one else quite like you.

Not only are your fingerprints and DNA different from everyone else's (unless you have an identical twin), but your mind, and how it thinks and operates, is totally your own.

This means that out of almost 7 billion people in the world, you are a one-off. So if nature has bothered to make you unique, don't you feel you should accept that you're important and also that you have as much right as anyone else to be on this planet?

You have other rights, too. One of them is the right to make mistakes. Don't forget that 'to err is human' – and most of us learn through getting things wrong before we get them right.

Furthermore, we have the right to respect ourselves – and to be respected. And, perhaps most importantly of all, we have the right to say 'yes' or 'no' for ourselves.

Put behaviour in perspective

Unfortunately, lots of people with poor self-esteem really beat themselves up whenever they make a mistake or error of judgement.

They feel that they are 'no good' because they fail an exam, lose a job or because they're having an affair or have been dumped.

But such events – and how we behave about them and deal with them – are just a tiny part of who we are. And it's important to remember that.

It might help too to take on board that individuals with healthy self-esteem don't define themselves by their occasional failures or denigrate their whole beings when things don't go right. Their regard for themselves is based on a bigger picture.

So, if you are prone to deep despair at some aspect of yourself, try telling yourself that it's just a tiny fragment of the multiple layers and components that make up the real you. And try not to condemn the whole of your being when you make a mistake or do something you're not too proud of.

Halt destructive thoughts

Many people with poor self-esteem think they're not very important and that their views carry no weight. Is this you?

If so, try to stop these destructive thoughts because if you go around believing them, you'll encourage other people to believe them too.

Instead, start thinking of yourself as someone who has rights, opinions and ideas that are just as valid as those of anyone else. This will help you to improve your self-esteem.

Techniques to improve self-esteem

10-minute technique

People with poor self-esteem often fail to give themselves enough time and space. So find 10 minutes every day to be alone and to just sit and do nothing.

Some people find it helpful to close their eyes and imagine a country scene or the sight and sound of waves gently lapping against the shore.

During this 10 minutes, allow yourself to feel peaceful and happy. Enjoy this time. It is yours – and yours alone.

Accentuate the positive

Often we make ourselves unhappy because we go over and over mistakes we have made. But we can improve our self-esteem if we re-think the things we believe we have done wrong or badly.

For example, one of my clients has to give presentations at work. He used to be very critical of his performance and would lose sleep afterwards over the tiniest of errors.

But now, he writes an account of each presentation shortly after he's given it and only writes about the things that went well.

He doesn't need to write about the bad things – they will stick in his memory and he will try hard not to repeat them – but he will forget the good things unless he writes them down.

So when you have a horrible day, or something goes wrong in your relationship or at work, write an account of what went right with that episode, not what went wrong.

The results will surprise you – and improve how you see yourself.

List 50 things you like about yourself

If you're seriously lacking in self-esteem, you probably find it hard to think positively about you.

So, try this exercise: write a list of 50 things that you like and admire about yourself. This could take weeks, but persevere!

You can write down your characteristics.

You can include things about your looks.

You can even write about the things you do. For example, you may buy a copy of the Big Issue on a day when you're short of money, or you may help an elderly woman in the supermarket when you're rushing to get your own shopping done.

When you have reached your 50 good things, write them down again on small pieces of card that you can carry with you at all times.

You can probably squeeze in 5 points on each card, so that you'll have 10 cards when you're finished.

Then, twice a day, shuffle the cards – so that you can view your good points in a fresh order – and then read them.

If you do this every day, you will start to accept your own goodness and worth.

And if you have a difficult task ahead – like a new date, or a job interview – always read your cards one extra time just before your challenge. This will help you to be more relaxed and optimistic.

Getting and giving criticism

One of the areas that people with low self-esteem have greatest difficulty with is criticism – giving as well as receiving it. Both can be extraordinarily difficult.

How to deal with criticism

Often when we're criticised, we're so hurt that we start excusing ourselves and rebutting what's being said without really listening to it.

This doesn't help us. So here are some hints and tips about dealing with criticism.

Listen to criticism without interrupting.

Next, if there are aspects to the criticism that are valid, begin by agreeing with those points.

If parts are unclear, ask for clarification.

If you realise you were wrong, say so and apologise.

If criticism is wrong or unfair, smile and say: 'I'm afraid I don't agree with you'.

How to give criticism

People with poor-self esteem find it just as hard to dish out criticism as they do to receive it. In fact, many such individuals avoid promotion because they can't face the prospect of being in authority and having to criticise others.

So how can you learn to criticise when you have to?

Keep calm.

Make your criticism at an appropriate time. Don't wait until you're so fed up that you're furious. If you do, – you're bound to make a mess of it.

Take deep breaths, then try a technique called the 'criticism sandwich'. This means you say something nice, then insert the criticism, then end with another positive comment.

An example would be: 'Your work is usually great, but it's not quite right today. So, I'll have to ask you to re-do that report. But I bet this time you'll do it brilliantly.

Say 'I' not 'you'

You might notice that people, who are fair when they criticise, tend to use the word 'I' rather than the word 'you.' This is because the word 'I' shows you're in control and that you've thought about what you're saying.

You might say: 'I don't think you are behaving well today.' Or: 'I fear that I haven't made that clear enough because I don't think I'm carrying you with me on this point.' Or: 'I think this work isn't up to the standard I normally get from you.'

All too frequently we don't say anything initially, which is when we should address the problem. Instead, we bottle it up until we explode. Then we use the words 'you', 'you're' and 'your' all the time.

We say: 'You're incompetent', 'you've stupid', 'your work isn't up to scratch.' Or even: 'You make me sick!' These phrases sound angry and accusatory. They also indicate that we're not in control. And after uttering them, we generally feel worse about ourselves, and our self-esteem can plummet.

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